Monday, April 17, 2006

Scientology -- Another Look

You can't swing a dead cat (not that I would, of course) without reading about Tom and Katie's decision to bring Scientology into the birthing/delivery room when little Holmes-Cruise decides he/she is ready to escape the womb.

For the three people on the planet who haven't heard, Scientologists believe that the birthing room should be SILENT... not merely devoid of the idle chatter from family members getting it all down on video-tape, or husbandly exhortations to breathe, or the errant epithets of mass destruction being hurled by the new Mother who decided against an epidural, but also of most of the instructions of the doctors and nurses in attendance.

Never having given birth, I am grossly ignorant as to the efficacy of this decision, but I think it has definite possibilities in other medical scenarios.

For instance, I am seriously considering becoming a Scientologist in time for my next visit to the dentist! I've never met a dental hygienist who didn't insist on engaging me in a spirited Q&A while having her hands in my mouth up to her elbow, as I am doing my best not to choke on the plaque she is chipping off my teeth or sucking the detritus out of my mouth with her trusty waterpic... invoking silence in that situation definitely has its merits!

And I am so "there" with Tom and Katie the next time I am flat on my back looking at my gynecologist thru the stirrups craddling my knees, while she chats amiably about the little "pinch" I might feel as she aims the speculum toward my throat! Silencio!

I can't wait to announce my conversion to Scientology when I schedule my next mammogram! Gone will be the useless instruction to "hold my breath" for 30 seconds while my left or right breast is being pancaked in a steel vise, automatically inhibiting the ability to breathe, much less the desire to do so!

I can see other venues where being a Scientologist and insisting on SILENCE would come in handy:

  • movie theaters (no more side conversations, especially the ones that give away the plot!)
  • subway cars (ah, reading or snoozing without the cacophony of idle chatter, cell phone conversations or Bubba's music choice)
  • elevators (let's deep-six MUZAK's rendition of Mantiovanni's Greatest Hits!)

Yes, Tom and Katie may be on to something!

-- Peace





1 comment:

bRaEn said...

Brilliant ! Glad to see you're FINALLY back ! Hope it's more than your " spring " blog entry. I miss reading your delightful posts ! Oh, and I can't imagine total silence in my world. As I've told Kelly a thousand times, she'd miss me if I were quiet ...Good luck, Katie *